Crazychat, the new crazy warrior chat show!
by darkfur1
Summary: the title says it all. IF YOU HAVE A PHOBIA OF DEAD SPASTICS THEN VENTURE NO FURTHER.
1. Episode 1

** Hi, and welcome to Crazy Chat(any french speakers will see the pun:)), the new Warriors Chat Show. My name is Darkfur, and I will now introduce my fellow hosts:-**

Please welcome:... Bluestar!

Bluestar: Hey baby, I is dead and I is crazeh so no sir no pizza please!

Darkfur: Errrr... ok, let's move swiftly onwards. Contrary to popular belief, our next host is not dead, they just pretended to be so the battle would be over quicker, because they were scared and wanted Mummy.. aww.. Please welcome: Scourge!

Scourge: Ooh, isn't this she-cat in a bikini in a magazine hot?Can I f*** - Oh, whoops, I'm on Tv I WILL KILL U IF U TELL ANYONE WHAT I JUST SAID!GRRR!

Darkfur: Moving on... everybody, I give you Tigerstar, known affectionately as Tigger!

Tigerstar: *too busy looking at Scourge's magazine to care* oh, baby, ohhhhhhhhhh... i love you...

Bluestar: Aaaaaah you freak! A dancing rainbow is assaulting me! AND I AM A MEMBER OF BANANA INTERNATIONAL!

Darkfur: Why? Now, Tigerstar is not going to like our final host... THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE MAGNIFICENT, FIRESTAR!

Firestar: I cannot believe this. I am having such a bad day. My mate forced me to wait for five hours outside the dirtplace while she put excessive quantities of mascara on, she then forced me to LOOK at her, then ... I SPILT MY COFFEE!

Bluestar*points to firestar* Hot!

Darkfur: Believe it or not, I have actually managed to persuade a guest to sit next to this dead spaz on the sofa... but that will be next time. R and R everybody, and no flames from anonymous reviewers please!


	2. Episode 2

**Right! Time for round two. And Bluestar, for the last time, I AM NOT A CAT-EATING POTATO! Sunleaf13, the pun is that in French 'chat' means cat... so... 'crazy cat'... which could very well describe some of our hosts...not looking in anyone's direction... And Sandtail, good idea. Blackstar will be on in Episode 3. Although the way that Tigerstar is looking at me now, I think that by the time that has happened, you, me or Blackstar really will be a ghost! **

Darkfur: Hello and welcome to Crazychat, episode two! You know who our hosts are, so I won't bother introducing them by name.

Bluestar: Can I please put this dictionary in the microwave?

Darkfur: No, Bluestar. Odd cat. Now I can begin to see why Tigerstar got fed up and tried to kill you.

Bluestar:*dramatically* NO!NO!NO! I am surrounded by traitors! You're all plotting to kill me aren't you, just sitting there quietly waiting –

Paramedic: *comes in and takes Bluestar away*

Firestar: Thank God for paramedics. *looks at blackberry then looks at door* Oh my StarClan, why hasn't Brambleclaw brought me my morning tea yet? I have bbmed him, like, 50 times! OMSC!

Tigerstar: -*looks at Brambleclaw's stolen blackberry and reads 50 bbms saying "bring me tea"* Lol. Er, I mean, nothing.

Scourge: Look where modern technology has got the Clans, viewers – nowhere. Tut tut. Lol.

Darkfur: OK. Let me introduce our guests - *drumroll* BARLEY – AND – RAVENPAW

Ravenpaw *sees Scouerge's copy of 'PlayCat' magazine* Ohhhhh... look, Barley, isn't she hot?

Scourge: DON'T SPELL MY NAME WRONG!^^

Darkfur: Woww, stressy. Now, you have all got pieces of paper on which you have put down some questions of your choice. Firestar,, you are the unfortunate with Bluestar's one. That cat is OBSESSED with potatoes. Let's begin. So, Barley/Ravenpaw, what is it actually like spending your entire life doing nothing in a barn?

Barley: It's actually pretty boring. It is only because I have nothing else to do with my sad little life that I spend the day doing nothing.

Ravenpaw: It's SO ANNOYING! There are no she-cats there to-* CENSORED*- me...so I have to waste £50 per month on a subscription to 'KittyGossip' magazine. I only do so because I can spend half the day looking at the pictures.

Tigerstar: Why are you such scaredy little dimwits?

Barley: ...

Ravenpaw: You're one to talk about dimwits. And for your information I am bringing an intimidation and harassment case against you in the High Court. Thank you!

Tigerstar: Ah, erm, well, can you – er- well, I, kinda, already have two murder convictions so – er - *cute kitty face* because you're so nice could you let me off, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

Ravenpaw: NO! *claws Tigerstar in face*

Barley: Lol.

Firestar: Okay... this is Bluestar's one... 'Do you eat giant square potatoes?'

Barley:*phones mental institution* No comment.

Ravenpaw: What is wrong with her?

Firestar: What's WRONG with her? She's Bluestar, that's what's wrong with her. My question is a completely sensible one. Do you wish you lived with the Clans

Barley: NO! That disgusting thought never even crossed my mind.

Ravenpaw: *claws Barley* Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Yes! *sniff sniff* but only for the pretty she-cats lol.

Scourge: If I gave you 50p, would you give me your barn?

Ravenpaw:*has a nervous breakdown*

Barley: What the hell why the f*** would I give my barn to a little piece of s*** like you?

F*** you you a**hole!

Darkfur: 'll end it before it gets violent. Goodbye and thank you for watching Crazychat, the Warriors talk show.

**On Episode 3, Blackstar will be on. So, if you would like to submit questions, then just review/PM me and feel free to do so. And please no flames. Byee!**

**Oh no, Bluestar has escaped...**


End file.
